Well said

"There was a point in my life where I chased my past as a way to contextualize my present. I so desperately wanted to recreate not just the emotions, but the scenarios whose memories were like shots of dopamine straight to the brain. Without fail, going back to my old stomping grounds with old faces would never result in the euphoric rush I hoped for or imagined. Instead, I was left to examine fragments of the past through the unmistakable lens of the present; things were not the same and would never be the same again."

I read this recently on a music blog and realized it sums up pretty well the feelings I've been struggling with over the past few months or so. I've been romanticizing or idealizing my past a ton, trying to figure out who I am now. For so long I identified in a particular way and many of those elements of my life or persona are gone. I have new ones (wife, mom). But it's been really really difficult for me transitioning. I don't feel like I have a groove, an identity of my own. 

Here's the cliche part where I say I love my life and wouldn't change it for the world. But also, maybe I would, just a little.