Thursday, August 28, 2014

parenting thoughts

There's this battle I witness regularly between parents and children, the battle of who can make the other more miserable in order to get their way. The parents will say something like: "It's time to get ready for __something kid is not looking forward to__." The child says: "No! I don't want to go!" The parents say, "If you don't go you can't have/do _kid's favorite thing_." Now kid is most likely aware that this is either an empty threat or in the chance that it's not, by intensifying the uncooperative behavior I can have Mom and Dad begging me to do _kid's favorite thing_ by the end of this conversation just so I'll shut up and stop whining. Maybe the parents will hold out for an hour not allowing kid to have/do any number of their favorite things, but in the end this type of parent always gives in. They would rather reinforce bad behavior in the short term so as to not be bothered by their kids than to actually discipline them properly and have respectful children that don't feel entitled.

I was talking recently with a friend who has devoted much time, energy, money and other resources to working with charities and other do-gooder programs. She commented to me that truly, the greatest impact for good that any of us can have on this ever changing world is to raise kids that don't feel entitled. I loved that, coming from someone who has spent years engaged in incredible causes around the world. The best thing we can do lies within the walls of our own homes.

Now, I'm not a mom yet. You can think that I really have no idea what I'm talking about. But for the past year and a half I have observed the intimate details of the functioning (or dysfunctioning..) of one family. I have learned so much from them, so much that I don't want to imitate once I have kids. There are times when I am scared to death that I will end up just like them, giving in just to appease their kids' insane tantrums. When this happens, I think about the kids I know in other spheres of my life - my nieces, my primary kids - and I have this tiny hope that because I'll be a full time mom raising a family in the gospel maybe I can avoid these terrible parenting mistakes. Wish me luck because in 6 months we'll be starting that family!

4 comments:

yomama said...

Officially out!!!! You are an amazing person and will be a great mother!!!!

Dana said...

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH SO FLIPPIN HAPPY FOR YOU BOTH!!!! Now Skype me, woman!

Kristie said...

Yay! Congrats, lady! You'll be such a great mom!

Angela Stevenson said...

Congrats! Such great news!